I just want to be God's. I don't want to be separated by my sin. I don't want the distractions that take away from seeking after God. I know that you can't go back but there have been times in my life where I have had to lean on God to make it each day! I just want to know that God is enough for me. I don't want to feel like I spend my days serving him without knowing that it is really being lead by him and not myself. I have come to the conclusion in my life that when I go for a while just doing things without the guidance of God that I must think I am better than God. Making myself and my opinions an idol to the one true God. I am need surrender! I need to through my hands up and save God to you be the glory! Give me the strength that I need to give it all away for your glory! I want to serve you with a clean slate!
Love you Jesus! Thank you for what you have done!
Friday, May 25, 2012
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Dreaming
Somewhere in the past few years of my life I have lost my desire to dream and if you know me that is part of my core. I don't know if part of it is growing up or the environment that I am part of. Whatever it is I have lost my desire to dream of the days that are ahead. I want that back. I also want the part of me that is in touch with my emotional side. I have cut off myself from really allowing myself to feel the pain of things and just have got defensive. I am sick of feeling trapped but that is exactly what I feel. I need to dream again. What could be. Part of the reason that I have stopped dreaming is that I have a lot on my plate and I just haven't given myself time to dream. I need to feel fresh again. I need feel connected again. I feel so disconnected and distracted. I just want to focus on what God has for me. I want to dream of how can I best serve him. I guess I feel like I am spinning my wheels in life.
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Vision...
As I have been reading today I realized that my ministry lacks vision. I really have no sense of where I am taking this ministry. I would probably say that just allowing the Lord to lead and I want the Lord to lead but I believe there has to be some kind of direction. Without direction we are just wandering aimlessly and we won't know when we have arrived. How will we praise the victories if we didn't know there was victories to praise.
So as I sit in my office I keep coming back to the same question... What is it going to take to get kids inside the doors of this church?
I feel like I have to own what God is doing here. Is this a patience issue or is it God trying to stir in me to do something different? What I do know is that I wouldn't attend what I am doing currently. I think I need to provide an opportunity for teenagers to encounter Christ. Lord please use me to be effective in reaching out the teenagers in this community.
So as I sit in my office I keep coming back to the same question... What is it going to take to get kids inside the doors of this church?
I feel like I have to own what God is doing here. Is this a patience issue or is it God trying to stir in me to do something different? What I do know is that I wouldn't attend what I am doing currently. I think I need to provide an opportunity for teenagers to encounter Christ. Lord please use me to be effective in reaching out the teenagers in this community.
Sunday, March 18, 2012
Discouraged Much?
Do you ever feel like the reason something isn't happening is because you haven't prayed enough, or you sin in holding everything back? Starting a youth group in an urban area from square one is hard and is often discouraging. Most weeks 2 kids show up and some weeks only 1 kid shows up. It makes me think what should I be doing different? What do I need to be doing to be more effective? I am not doing this for fame or success I just want to be used by Jesus. I want to spread the word of Christ to all who will listen. Am I being naive? Doesn't God want to world to know Jesus? Lord use me to be effective for you. Lord help to me to meet and know the kids of the Clifton Community,
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Urban Ministry
This past weekend I went to the Simply Youth Ministry Conference and I believe that my mind was opened up to some new stuff and some really encouraging things. It has inspired to me to write about my journey in starting an Urban Youth Ministry.
The journey starts with a desire in my heart to provide an opportunity for the middle schoolers in my program to encounter Jesus outside of children's church. The place they had been attending. So I decided was going to launch a youth group. I prepared everything I knew how to make a youth group happen and only one kid showed up the first week. I was devastated. I figured that it would atleast start strong and then fad as I wasn't doing the right thing. I never expected for it to be just one kid. It only got worse from there. Then the next 3 weeks no one showed up. I took all the blame. I started to feel defeated almost immediately. I gave up. I decided that I would take time to figure everything out. As I allow you all to see a little self disclosure. I realized that I was trying to make a youth group happen by my own strength and knowledge. However I felt like I didn't know what I was doing at all. Then I started to slowly give things over to God.
Two months later, I relaunched the youth group with a blazing success in my mind. I had 6 kids show up two weeks in a row. Then the attendance plummeted back to 2. Some weeks we have 1. I have decided that if only one kid shows up that we will continue to move forward. Pray the whole way. I am confident that God is moving and that he has a plan for this ministry. It is hard still when there is only two but I have to trust that God is moving. I am new to all of this. I have to continue to grow in my own relationship with Christ and allow his spirit to lead me. Lord I pray that you will use me for your glory!
In other ministry news I went to a workshop on Bible storying and I am pretty excited to try this concept in the context of the urban ministry.
The journey starts with a desire in my heart to provide an opportunity for the middle schoolers in my program to encounter Jesus outside of children's church. The place they had been attending. So I decided was going to launch a youth group. I prepared everything I knew how to make a youth group happen and only one kid showed up the first week. I was devastated. I figured that it would atleast start strong and then fad as I wasn't doing the right thing. I never expected for it to be just one kid. It only got worse from there. Then the next 3 weeks no one showed up. I took all the blame. I started to feel defeated almost immediately. I gave up. I decided that I would take time to figure everything out. As I allow you all to see a little self disclosure. I realized that I was trying to make a youth group happen by my own strength and knowledge. However I felt like I didn't know what I was doing at all. Then I started to slowly give things over to God.
Two months later, I relaunched the youth group with a blazing success in my mind. I had 6 kids show up two weeks in a row. Then the attendance plummeted back to 2. Some weeks we have 1. I have decided that if only one kid shows up that we will continue to move forward. Pray the whole way. I am confident that God is moving and that he has a plan for this ministry. It is hard still when there is only two but I have to trust that God is moving. I am new to all of this. I have to continue to grow in my own relationship with Christ and allow his spirit to lead me. Lord I pray that you will use me for your glory!
In other ministry news I went to a workshop on Bible storying and I am pretty excited to try this concept in the context of the urban ministry.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Thursday, May 12, 2011
Weak to be strong
This morning I am wrestling with the idea that God is strong when I am weak. How often do I spend all my time and energy relying on myself and not of God. However do I think my way is better than Gods? Yes I am a believer and yes I try to be transformed by Christ but how often do I not allow God to work? Why is it so scary to be broken before God? Why can't I allow God to put my broken pieces back together in Him rather than try to hold them together myself.
Recently I was asked to write a letter of encouragement and tell about a great memory I shared with this person. I realized through that process that I have so much hurt and resentment under the surface for this person. I didn't have good things to say because I have never really allowed God to completely heal me. Every time I have got close to healing and be freed of the bitterness I have chose to hold the grudge. I believe the reason is that my grudge gives me the upper hand. They have never really apologized or taken any responsibility for the pain they caused in my life and I think for me forgiving them means that I let them off scott free. Some of the situations I have been through in life I don't want to let this person off scott free. I want them to own up to what they did in my life. I want them to take responsibility. Can I be broken and weak enough to leave this at the foot of the cross? Jesus came he lived a perfect life, he died on the cross and rose from the grave for me... Can I trust Jesus the one I call my Lord and Savior enough to know that there will be consequences or justice for what has happened? Can I forgive even if there isn't consequences or justice? Is is ok to be weak in order that God can be strong? The self talk in my head just said Forgive as you have been forgiven. Revive my heart for you Lord, make straight my path in order that I may walk the narrow path. Purify me from sin, and set my heart a blaze for you. Lord be my all! I am hopeful to continue to grow in my love, dependence, and brokenness for you.
Love your son who just wants to bring honor to your name.
Recently I was asked to write a letter of encouragement and tell about a great memory I shared with this person. I realized through that process that I have so much hurt and resentment under the surface for this person. I didn't have good things to say because I have never really allowed God to completely heal me. Every time I have got close to healing and be freed of the bitterness I have chose to hold the grudge. I believe the reason is that my grudge gives me the upper hand. They have never really apologized or taken any responsibility for the pain they caused in my life and I think for me forgiving them means that I let them off scott free. Some of the situations I have been through in life I don't want to let this person off scott free. I want them to own up to what they did in my life. I want them to take responsibility. Can I be broken and weak enough to leave this at the foot of the cross? Jesus came he lived a perfect life, he died on the cross and rose from the grave for me... Can I trust Jesus the one I call my Lord and Savior enough to know that there will be consequences or justice for what has happened? Can I forgive even if there isn't consequences or justice? Is is ok to be weak in order that God can be strong? The self talk in my head just said Forgive as you have been forgiven. Revive my heart for you Lord, make straight my path in order that I may walk the narrow path. Purify me from sin, and set my heart a blaze for you. Lord be my all! I am hopeful to continue to grow in my love, dependence, and brokenness for you.
Love your son who just wants to bring honor to your name.
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